Raised In A Barn – Restaurant Confessions Part One


“How Much Longer For Our Food? We Have A Flight To Catch!”

Working at an airport restaurant, I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard this phrase.

My instinctual response is riddled with sarcasm of course, which would be something along the lines of “Oh really?! Well, why didn’t you say so? I thought you just bought a plane ticket to eat in the airport! Let’s get you fixed up right away!”

This perhaps would not be well received, given the already stressful state that most passengers are already in when they’ve arrived, having all their privacy stripped away by the CBSA (Canada Border Services Agency).

Working in one of the largest airports in Canada, I get a pretty large window to the rest of the world, and all of their strange habits that come with them. As there has been so much media attention on the often unfair treatment of passengers within the airport, I felt it necessary to give back to my airline and service industry comrades with some of my own observations from the dark side (insert Mr. Burns evil laughter and finger tenting)…

– It is not OK to brush your teeth at the dinner table.

– Clipping your toenails is often reserved for doing in the privacy of your bathroom.

– It is a cardinal rule of the service industry to do a ‘quality check’, within the first five minutes of the guest consuming food. This would be the time you express your dissatisfaction, not AFTER you have inhaled the entire meal. We know you’re looking for a freebie.

– Producing a bag of oranges so that you can have your waitress ‘freshly squeeze’ them for you, is frowned upon.

– Painting your fingernails or dousing yourself in Duty Free fragrance at the table releases a rather unpleasant odour for nearby patrons.

– TIPPING is NOT a place in China, it is a North American custom. TIPS actually means ‘To Insure Proper Service’.

Note: to stingy Dutch guys at YVR, yes your bill was $157.13, thank you for giving me exactly that.


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